In the heat of the moment, when you are elbow deep inside someone, tranced into a headspace it is not only fucking vital, but beyond fucking hot that you have a safeword.
I love nothing more than when a sub pulls the ripcord. While not meant to be something sexy it is a trigger that causes me to check in with them because ensuring their safety is important. If I am the Dom in the session, it’s fucking my responsibility to make them feel safe, happy, and that they are having fun.
So what is a Safeword?
This is a truly loaded fucking question.
If you google safeword, you are going to get ten different answers with ten different degrees of fucking accuracy. My favorite definition is this:
In BDSM, a safeword is a code word, series of code words or other signal used by a person to communicate their physical or emotional state, typically when approaching, or crossing, a physical, emotional, or moral boundary.
Basically, it’s a clear trigger word or phrase between a Dom and a sub that is used outside of the standard dialog that happens within a session to designate when you are approaching a limit. It can be done with body language, physical signals, or words.
How are Safeword applied in the real world?
Everything comes back to communication. When I enter a new session with someone I haven’t played with before or do not know extremely fucking well I always discuss limits, and how we will signal if and when I approach a point that the submissive no longer gives consent to move forward.
Not every limit is a hard one, and some submissives want to be pushed. I know when I am on the bottom I personal enjoy seeing the “line” and then fucking blowing past it when possible.
Even when I film content, we always discuss how to signal limits clearly because just like there is a submissive headspace, there is one that Dom’s tend to drop into as well. Thus having that trigger in place to pull us both out of the “moment” is really important.
What do you use?
Well, that depends. When discussing my one partner, we use the word Avocado. For one, it’s not something someone will say out loud in the middle of a session. NEVER HAVE I EVER heard someone in the midst of Adrenalin-induced ecstasy ever scream at the top of their lungs “FUCKING AVOCADO!”
This word serves as the perfect hard stop within our play. I know if they say this, we are done. We get them out of whatever position they are in, and without fucking hesitation, start cool-down and aftercare.
But that is just one case. If I am playing with someone I do not know well, then I generally like to use GREEN, YELLOW, and RED, also known as the stop-light method.
With this, GREEN clearly means go, YELLOW means we need to slow down, take a second and possibly re-adjust, and RED is basically just like the before mentioned avocado where everything stops.
A prime example is my recent filming session with @PeteButaXXX. While a major anal pirate, he has not done that much with fisting and I was attempting to shove my hand in their ass to move their mouth around like a fucking sock puppet.
While working and stretching his already pliable and nearly gaping hole, he clearly needed a moment, and you can hear him say “YELLOW.” Right then, I stopped everything and checked in, making sure he was okay, in a good place, and felt fine about moving forward.
We had discussed where, when and how safewords should be applied, in fact it’s something we talked about in the beginning of the filming session (and is in the fucking video). Pete knew he has a way out at any point, which created a good level of trust between us. He knew that if he needed it, their was something that would stop the play to ensure his safety.
The shit we do can sometimes be fucking risky. Risk mediation is part of it. We like to fuck around on the edge doing stuff that would make even Opus Dei blush which in itself is fucking rad. So be safe, have fun, and do what you can, not to damage each other!
