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As an Alpha I get a lot of questions on the subject of Dominance and submission as a wider fucking subject. And frankly there is a lot of avenues one can take this topic. Down different rabbit holes of understanding when it comes to what these two words represent within the greater kink community.
Sir Greg (@MasterBly) on X recently posted on this subject with a written lens that I think brings the point into a singular focus:
A submissive is someone who is their 'best self' - doing their best work, most at peace, most mentally and emotionally balanced, most functional, most fulfilled, most satisfied - when they are serving, obeying, and pleasing their chosen dominant.
In my world view, a 'slave' (it's still a crappy term and I wish we had a better one) is simply a submissive who is fortunate enough to have found a dominant 'Master' who they are able to serve 24/7/365.
Degradation, which is treating another person like a less valid creature, 'worth less', is a KINK, not a relationship style. It's a very valid kink that many people enjoy, don't get me wrong, but it's not a necessary part of D/s or M/s.
There is no inherent reason a person deserves to be degraded simply because they function best in a support role.
Submissives, if a 'Master' or 'Dominant' treats you like human garbage because you enjoy serving, obeying, and pleasing, recognize that is a choice they are making to layer on a 'degradation kink' on top of dominance and submission, that does not need to be there.
Dominants, if you believe all people who enjoy serving are lesser humans, you're a small-minded bigot. Quit it.
In short, yes dear submissives, you CAN find a Master who treats you well if you want one; if you don't also get off on the kink of being degraded, and simply want to serve, obey, and please, and prefer to be respected and dignified for it.
And to all reading, please educate yourself, and stop confusing dynamics and preferred relationship styles, with kinks.
Original Post
Chosen Dominant!
In a healthy D/s dynamic, the submissive really has all the power. If you think it’s any other way, you are dead fucking wrong. My subs willingly give me the power over them. They have done this because THEY fell that I am worthy of it, and they can release me from that duty at any time.
I take their gift of submission VERY…FUCKING…SERIOUSLY!
Above and beyond the kink, the play, the sexy times, is a responsibility to provide for their growth in the best way I can. To be a safe space where they can with me explore without judgement or prejudice.
They chose me, not the other way around. They choose to wear my collars, be a member of my house, my family and submit to my control. It is a sacred obligation, and one that fills me with uncontrollable fucking pride.
A Slave is less than….
FUCKING STOP RIGHT THERE! — A slave in the order of things carries a very valued (HEAR ME CLEARLY — FUCKING VALUED) position within the dynamic. One of care taker, who’s focus is clear and well defined in the understanding of service to their chosen Dom.
I have recently had the wonderful opportunity to have a very open dialogue with someone that is a well known submissive with a giant heart 10 sizes to big. They are a golden retriever of a person, a self identified slave, and they provided a very wonderful explanation of their place in the greater submissive community:
I would say when I was younger I was more of a boy.
But as I’ve gotten older where I don’t care as much about things like going out and being as social. Instead I'm happiest being in the background and not the center of attention which brings me more towards identifying as a slave. Boys needs to be able to go to a bar with his Dom -- flit and float around and chat with people.
I’m much happier being behind my SIR keeping to myself for the most part and focused on my SIR's needs.
I am fucking telling you, when they said this I nearly cried.
For them identifying as a Slave is an evolution that came with time and a better understand of themselves. Which is simply fucking amazing. Not everyone has the same experience, but I really felt their words provided beauty to a very shaded subject.
Now this of course is not the only definition of a boy verses slave, and submissive honorifics are not gendered. I know plenty of cis-females whom consider themselves a boy/boi. Instead it in my minds eye it speaks more to how a sub sees themselves. What their internal voice tells them they are.
Degradation is a Kink, not a fucking life choice!
Sir Greg really pushes this point home. I do work as a pro/Dom, even a FinDom (receiving financial tributes and gifts), and many times that includes using degrading language. Even my own subs get a kick out of me talking down to them. But it’s always done with clear consent, and within what I will call tasteful context. I consider this kink emotionally risky and provide a safety net in the event things go to far.
We are all human of course.
Additionally I do emotional aftercare, where we talk about the words used, what kinds of “power” or “influence” they had and if there is anything I can do to improve the experience for THEM (Remember it’s about THEM…THE FUCKING SUB!)
The goal is too excite, not to emotionally damage.
I can tell you that degradation has no place within our greater family dynamic, and I have hard and fast ground rules about when, where, and if we explore this desire.
As Sir Greg said in his post, “There is no inherent reason a person deserves to be degraded simply because they function best in a support role.”
If you don’t believe this, than you DO NOT BELONG in this community…end of story.
Disclaimer:
Everything in this post, is purely my belief. I am not saying I am an expert, or that I am right, but it's where my heart is.
