Thanksgiving is a time to head home, and be with our families, but so many of us can’t do this for one reason or another. It could be that your family has rejected you out a need for you to be your true self. It could be because of work obligations, or even just the fact of distance. A lot of us just aren’t going to make it home for the holiday.
This is why it is so important for us who can, to take a moment a create a place of celebration where we can come together and partake in the joy of one another.
Friendsgiving was born.
In the Mountains, I found Rainbows
I am lucky, I have a great family, and fantastic in-laws. All are full of love and extremely welcoming to myself and my primary partner Rogue. And while the holidays in general means a great deal of fucking travel for us, we take the time to be with our loved ones.
But that hasn’t always been the case. Early on in my formative years, I was not out to my parents, and my first Thanksgiving as a “gay man” was difficult. I did not want to hide who I was, nor did I want to be around people that I felt couldn’t accept me. Granted, these feelings were unfounded, as I later learned, but at the time, it’s how I felt.
So I was relieved when work told me that I needed to be “on-call” for the Thanksgiving holiday. I had an out and while I would be spending the time alone at least I was in an environment of my choosing. Needless to say, it turned out that I wasn’t needed and ended up with a free day. To make the matter worse, since I had already told my folks that I won’t be coming home for the holiday they had already left for a planned vacation. There I was no place to go, and not where to be.
I can remember calling my friend Jayson who at the time was the manager of a gay resort in the Poconos called Rainbow Mountain just outside of the town I grew up in, crying feeling, and oh so helpless. He talked me into coming to the Mountain (as we called it back then).
During Thanksgiving, the then owners would close the resort all for a select few guests and the staff, many of which didn’t have welcoming homes to go back to anyway. For that moment, Rainbow Mountain became our home. An island of misfit toys who found a place to be and, be themselves.
Jayson made a massive fucking Turkey, and the resort’s Chef, Barb (a quintessentially-stereotypical dyke whom I adored) made all kinds of other crazy and wonderous shit. There were stupid games, and lots of cheer. But we were together, and happy.
I had only planned on being there for the day, and then heading back to my sorry little apartment in New York, but Jayson comped by room and I stayed the weekend. It snowed like crazy on Black Friday so we spent the day drinking hot chocolate and having snowball flights.
It was one of the gayest Currier and Ives moment you ever did see. But that joy and happiness has stayed with me all these days.
Home for the Gay Old Times
Tom and Robert were the patriarchs of our little gang when we were growing up. They all gave us a sense of family and stability that some of us lacked in our family lives. Around Thanksgiving Tom (also known by their “lady name” as Shang) and Robert (know as “Naydeen” I the same light) would make it a point to have us all together at their home in Portland, PA.
These were always fabulous events and their home always felt so warm and inviting. Smelling of the season with rosemary and thyme. Shang would have their Christmas tree up by now, and you could find Naydeen in their chair reading the New Yorker or some other publication.
The evening would always start out with some kind of cheese offering and the house cocktail, the infamous “Momma’s Gimlet” and things descending from there.
Their house, a lovely little Victorian, had a glorious wrap-around front porch. Some of my best memories from those evenings included sitting with Naydeen, enjoying a bit of fresh air and sharing a toke of a dubby from that old porch. We would discuss the matters of the moment and emphasize the importance of being together.
I think back of these days often, and they always bring a smile to my face.
Be Together, Now more than Ever!
The world is about to be super fucked up. It is in these moments we need to check in and make sure we are all good. No one can be left behind. If you have the means, make some holiday cheer and bring together all of those you love.
Now I am being a little more nostalgic than usual. And this article is NOT my normal post about dicks and ass. Instead, I am trying to highlight the importance of creating communities built around chosen families. During this season, we need to support one another because if we don’t, no one else will.
So reach out to that friend you haven’t spoken to for a while. Set aside a Saturday after Thanksgiving to roast a half-price Costco turkey for its family time and family matters.
